“Are you happy?”
It’s very funny how when you’re asked that you take a moment to think about it. For some people, they don’t need to think about an answer. For some it’s a straight “yes” , some will come out straight and say “no”, for others it requires a little thinking. Or a lot of thinking.
You start to think about where you are in life and if that’s where you really want to be. You start to question decisions, choices you made. Were they the right ones? Were they what you really wanted? You start to hope that maybe you could still get a chance to be ‘happy’. You might give up hopes of ever being happy and live with not being happy. Then before you answer the question whether you’re happy or not.. you ask yourself. What makes me happy?
After a long period of doing something, it becomes a habit. Waking up early in the mornings to go to work. A job you don’t enjoy but your family has to survive. Studying a course you don’t enjoy but somebody has to take over when the parents can’t labour anymore. Bear a pain silently because you don’t want to be a burden. Fight personal demons because you don’t want to be seen as weak. Smiling when all you want to do is cry. Standing up straight when all you want to do is hide. You just ‘go with it’, like you don’t have a choice. Most times you don’t have a choice so all you can do really..is to just go with it.
After a long period of being unhappy it just seems normal. You forget what happiness feels like. Or what really makes you happy. Then unhappiness feels like happiness. Then you’re always sad. With no thoughts or actions associated with it. After a while it becomes part of you, you just deal and hope to come to peace with it.
I ask myself that question, a lot. Sometimes it a straight “yes”, but most times I have to do a lot of thinking. One day I asked a friend if I seemed like the type that would be happy after everything. After the degrees, jobs, achievement, children… everything. I wasn’t surprised by his answer. We do things that deep within we know it doesn’t make us happy. No matter the plastic smiles, the lil white lies… We hope with time we would find happiness in these things but we never do. So it becomes a pursuit to find happiness where happiness doesn’t exist.
What is happiness? How will you know when you feel it? Are you sure its happiness? I know it sounds stupid to ask these questions but really …are you happy?