love and other four letter words

Dum Spiro, Spero: Life Happens

When the unexpected happens.

“Strength isn’t about how much you can handle before you break, it’s about how much you handle after you break”

“Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it and accept it.”

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that’s inner strength”

Most motivational speakers would always say have short-term goals and long-term goals. Unknown to some people they have had long-term goals long before they attended that seminar or meeting. First degree, NYSC ,Masters in the UK, working experience, make your first million(s), build your mansion, get married, have kids, go on a family vacation, tour Europe with the spouse alone, retire, maybe write a memoir. You know at what age you want to achieve certain things. You have an idea of the oil company you would work at, where you would get your Masters, how you would rise your children , the over the top wedding you would have, the awards you would win. But what happens when the unexpected happens? When the steps to achieve your long-term goal start to crack or become shaky or worse give way right beneath you.

A loved one is lost. The person you thought you would grow old with decides to up and leave. You miss an interview; the golden ticket to the career you have always dreamed of. Then what happens *shrugs*

Then it feels like you have to start all over. How do you make new plans when you have been holding on to one for years? I have been there or do I say I am there. But what I can say is , its definitely definitely not an easy task. The feeling of hopelessness, you remember the opportunities you missed just so you could focus on the ‘plan’. You start to question your abilities, where did it all start from. The questions are endless. Everything is gone but you still have life in you. You still breathe. Then what do you do? Move on. Start to rebuild. New ways to achieve that long-term goal. Regain your confidence. Believe in your self worth. There would be scars, memories cannot be erased.. Cinderella got hers with just the wave of the wand. Yours would take longer, probably years.

So yes I have lost hope once , in fact many times and I know I’m not the only one. Over the years it starts to feel like a normal routine. Then you make up possible bad things that could happen in your head so that if they eventually happen, the effect won’t be so bad . And you keep reading in motivational books, hearing it during Sunday sermons, have people tell you over and over “HAVE HOPE, BE OPTIMISTIC!” As many times as I have lost it, I regained it. If you think I’m lost or confused, I’m sorry I’m human. Life has happened. Life Happens. Life will happen.

Note To Myself When I Live Alone

  1. Get a good sound system. There’s nothing like loud noise drumming into your ears..sometimes thou. Whether you want to try out a new dance step without embarrassing yourself outside or you just feel like. It’s your house you can listen to whoever you want to.
  2. Always take in dried laundry. Always always always. Don’t be too lazy to do that. Also close the windows whenever you’re leaving the house. The weather cannot be completely trusted.
  3. Let go. If it doesn’t make sense anymore, gives you bad vibes.. just let it go
  4. Words don’t explain it all. It’s okay to be silent. It gives you time to think, to rediscover who you are. It’s hard ,yes. It doesn’t mean you have a problem or you’re difficult to deal with. You just want to be alone.
  5. People would change. Definitely. Attitudes would change, behaviours would change. You would lose a few, a few would lose you. It might seem impossible to continue without some people but you eventually will.
  6. Spoil yourself silly once in a while. Duh.. I deserve it
  7. Try something new. Exercise, it won’t kill you!
  8. Travel! Get a souvenir, meet someone new.
  9. Everything would fall into place. We’ll be fine.
  10. Oblivion as we learnt is inevitable, so is death. Nothing.. absolutely nothing prepares you for it. It makes you take a deep look into your life and reconsider the things you once felt were important. But that doesn’t mean you should live in fear or put your life on hold.
  11. If you haven’t found happiness, you will. Eventually
  12. Patience. Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters and who really matters, you’ll see.
  13. Nobody’s perfect. You’re not perfect neither is the woman who didn’t give you the right amount of change.
  14. Not everyone sees your scars or tears. Don’t be angry at the world baby girl. It only robs you of the peace that you have.
  15. “Don’t let the wind blow you or try to control how the wind blows instead work with it to push you in the right direction.”
  16. Nobody is out to get you. You might get paranoid but really ‘The Surgeon’ isn’t waiting for you to open your door at night and slit you open. Happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
  17. You should be in a relationship by now but if not… *sighs* in his own time he shall make things perfect.
  18. “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I” Psalm 61:2
  19. Always be thankful.
  20. Loyalty is rare. If you find it, keep it.
  21. Pick a day and reflect..just to see how far you have come.
  22. Be inspired.
  23. Give love as you get it. Never hold grudges. Hate is a waste of emotion.
  24. Love yourself. A good selfie never hurts anyone 😉