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So this is the story I wrote (last minute thanks to Nina’s persuasion) over a year ago for the Farafina Workshop Shop last year. I didn’t get in, I didn’t even think I would but at least I tried. Please read and feel very free to drop your suggestions, thoughts, criticism in the comments.

Thank you!

Prices are increasing.
Everything is now expensive, we’re getting by but still. Yesterday my mother was calculating how much it costs to fuel two cars and a generator in a week. The other day the mallam that sold suya had all types of vegetables but no tomatoes. I jokingly mentioned it to my aunty that it’s that bad now.
“Aha, tomato” he said while arranging sticks of meat on a  rusty yellow tray
“E don cost no be small”
He wore an ugly looking silver ring on his oily finger. For some reason I continued to stare at the mallam’s oily fingers as he continued to arrange his ware. His apprentice poured more oil from an old bottle on the meat and turned them over.
I continued to stare and inhale the smoke
* * *
I spoke to my father today. Nothing out of the ordinary. The usual how are yous, how’s your health. The only thing out of the ordinary is that I haven’t seen my father in three years. Over the years people have asked “Don’t you miss your father”. I always shrug it off, and tell them not really. Now see, my father wasn’t around much while growing up so I guess I’m used to it. So I use his absence to cover up for my moody days or when my roommate catches me crying. People tend to buy that lie. A lot.
But today I asked a question I never asked in three years
“Are you still coming home this summer”
“Yes of course now, sometime in July. Just a month and half”
I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes are watery. “How’s Uncle Amaechi”

I’m staring at the table .I’m staring lot at things lately
* * *
I’m sitting here staring at students walk by. Most of them are walking blindly, looking at single sheets of paper in their hands with writings on it. It’s exams, nobody is walking slowly.
Sitting opposite the bus park, waiting for my friend and I start to think of him.
We’re arguing a lot nowadays. He says I’m uptight and far from sensitive. I don’t argue about the latter. He once told me he had a love-hate thing for this artistic side of mine. He loves it but it makes him think I’ll drift away at some point. All I could say to that was “Shit happens”
He doesn’t like the way I go neither do I but I agree with him. We have no spark anymore so there’s no need wasting time.
I’m sitting down,  staring at students walk by and I’m thinking about him.
* * *
As much as prices are increasing, we’re getting by. We still find time to laugh. I’m sitting at the verandah with my mother and aunty . There’s no light so we’re entertaining ourselves with small talk. Someone’s approaching the gate, it’s the landlord’s son
“I’m sure he has gotten to smoke again” I say breaking the silence
Mummy lifts her hand to slap the mosquito on her arm
“If you see the girl he brought the other day ehn, ike ya ra ka basin. Her bum was as big as a basin”
I try to hold it but I can’t. Mummy’s laughing so hard that she starts to cough.
At that moment I realize that we will be fine, that I will be fine. I’ll leave home soon and I don’t feel like I have the ability to survive without my mother guiding me. I’m afraid one day, he would come back with that smile and say in that low deep voice “I miss you” and our tragic love story will repeat itself. Over and over I’ve chosen the love that has hurt me. The type that drains me to my bones even though on the outside it looks like it did not leave a scratch.  I feel like my identity isn’t mine sometimes and there is so much that I can do but I don’t try. I have words in my head that I can’t get out no matter how hard I try. It is these words that cause me to turn and be restless till 4 in the morning. But still I’ll be fine.
* * *
Every where is quiet. Everyone’s asleep already except from me. I’m not restless today instead I am calm but still there’s no sleep so I’m staring at the ceiling in pitch darkness. My phone beeps. I pick up it up to read the text with no intention of answering it. The message was simple,
“Kedu”
At that moment I have no strength to lie. “We’re not fine but we’ll be fine, nothing’s wrong.” That’s all I say.
Idi kwa sure? Are you sure?”
As simple as this question is, nothing prepares me for it. I break down and start to cry. Every thing feels like a mess, I’m a mess. I’m crying and staring at the ceiling in pitch darkness but the tears makes everything blurry.
Just like everything around me.

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So for my last post ‘Jigida’ I decided to take a few pictures since the ones I found on the internet were : 

1. A little too explicit 

2. Lacked that  ‘je ne sais quoi’ 

So I decided to take pictures myself. 

After my brief ‘photog’ moment, the post picture was chosen and I was left with a couple more. So decided to share them here
So featuring: 

Beads – mine 

Back drop- my mother’s materials that I wished I own and still hope I own

The pictures were taken with a phone camera and some the Snapchat app.

Hope you enjoy them 😊





 




  
                                           – Oge.O ❤️

Hey! 

Happy New Month! 

It’s been over two months since my last post. And well I was waiting still I got that one picture that just said I-still-look-fab-despite-the-shit-I-have-been-through-be-inspired-by-me. But then *throws hands up* …hey.

I was really going to come up with this one inspirational or really deep post, but it seemed my poetic words aren’t just there. I can’t bundle up a whole lot in just few lines this time around. So instead I’ll talk about what has happened this few weeks. 
1. The Big 2.0 ! 

I happen to have left my teen years behind me. No lie whenever it’s almost my birthday, I’m not excited until few hours to the 7th. Instead it’s anxiety, mostly anxiety. Anxious that I’m getting old and I still don’t have things figured out. But thankfully I have friends who can make you smile and give you badass face beat 


2. Conversations I Never Had

There are issues you never want to remember or re visit or conversations you just think “Oh it’s done it’s done, I’ll probably never talk to this person again” . But deep inside you want to talk about it with those certain people about those certain issues. Tired of having those conversations with yourself, displaying those emotions only within you. The scene might never happen, that closure might not happen and you can’t keep living your life in a cycle. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

3. Forgiveness et Regrets 

‘First forgive thyself. Ye can only give what thy hasth ‘ 

I feel that should be a quote somewhere in the Bible or a Shakespear play. I have learnt that some of the burden we carry within ourselves is the burden of unforgiveness . Not only towards other people but to ourselves. I can’t give what I don’t have. I can’t forgive you if I can’t forgive myself. 


I have decided to live by this. Or try to at least.

Most things I felt really useless or guilty for actually did make me smile, one way or the other and many times! So why should I regret my various moments of happiness even though some of them were short lived? 

So instead choose not to regret your happiness.

4. Mental Illness 

So sometime in November, my class went on a one week trip to the Neuropsychiatric Hospital at Abeokuta, or like we call it Aro. Through out that week we had classes and Ward Rounds. I bet you three years of psychology classes didn’t prepare most of us for saw. And no we didn’t see people tied up with chains, uncombed hair and laughing hysterically. No that is not just what mental illness is all about. You have people like you and I walking around , attending therapy sessions, take their medications, a few relapses, playing football. People my age, parents , people younger than me. People who have just literally started achieving things , people who have achieved way more than I have 

Life just deals us different cards and nobody is above mental illness.

On a lighter note , I did take some pictures at Aro. Even though half of my course mates were all about how the place needed a ‘face lift’ , making it look really modern. Aro has this aura of serenity 




Yes there are lots of trees at Aro  


I would have loved to take pictures of few old stone houses I saw. They had chimneys, gardens surrounded by lots of trees. I thought they were beautiful and my friend was like “Ehen Olivia won’t you take a picture, see the kind of thing you like. But we had gotten to a dead end and it was super dark and it felt like a scene from a horror movie. No lie.


But this picture is my favourite for some reason. I always found myself looking for this very gray door with the stairs everyday. 

5. Art of Breathing 

Sometimes, all you need to do is breathe. Just breathe. I remember during this semester at some point I had a long week and I decided one afternoon I was just going to watch a movie and sleep. I get to my bed and it is soaked. Apparently someone (me) had left water on the bed and it was everywhere. My pillow, wrapper. I stared at it and I just put my head down. My whole body was ready to channel the physical, emotional and academic stress of the past few weeks into anger. And my friend is hovering around me “Olivia are you crying, it would dry”. I raised my head up and said “I can’t kill my self” 

Load work of assignments, final year project, uncertainty in career choice, relationship/ situation-ship , uncertainty in various areas of life … breathe because no lies. If I don’t breathe I will die and I know I’m not going out like this 

6. Pretty Bubble also known as Personal Space 

Which some people choose to poke and poke and continue poking . Like people don’t even poke anymore on Facebook why are you doing this!!!!!!! No I don’t want breathe, I want you to learn to respect this invisible pretty bubble that you can’t see but you know exists. Sometimes you have to tell them I need a little time or space to myself, don’t touch me, my things, my parts because just don’t. This bubble is pink and bubbly don’t unbubble the bubbliness I beg you . 

Sometimes you can’t .

You just can’t 

Blogger Recognition Award

bloggeraward

 

Heyyy!

So earlier this month, Damiloves nominated me for the ‘Blogger Recognition Award’. I woke up to a notification and I almost cried, literally. Nominations like this, the likes and comments are very encouraging. Tbh, I have a screenshot of some comments and whenever I’m having one of my days/phase , I just go back and read them and yes sometimes I cry. Getting so much love and support from people I don’t know and I might never meet literally makes my day. And so Dami, thank you very much for this. I luhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you!

So this are her requirements for accepting this award

1.Write a post to show the award

This is it! Read up, then read down.

2. Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you

I received this during a mild period and what I saw was Oge.O  words that will make you think so imagine how you made me feel. 5x! So thank you again for nominating.

Dami’s blog is amazing by the way, if you haven’t checked it out do so at http://www.damiloves.com

3. Give a brief story about how you started blogging.

HEADLINE: I have an unexplainable love affair with words.

From the Enid Blyton and Ladybird books, I had always wanted to write. About three years ago or more I decided to start a blog, but it took me about a year thinking to myself what will I write, what will I name it ,will people read it, will I be good enough , how will I write it. It was about this time that I found through twitter and began stalking Chiamak.O ‘s blog (yellowibogirl)  ‘ Diary of An Igbo Girl’. Sometime in August/September 2013 I started ogesmemoirs

I haven’t been much of a consistent blogger ,but so far I think we’ve been good 🙂

4. Give 2 pieces of advice for new bloggers

Nobody can tell your story better than you do so just be yourself.When writing some articles it might feel like you’re letting yourself to be bare for people who don’t understand you to judge you. But you never know who’s story you’re telling, you never know who’s feelings you just helped put in words.

Be inspired by others. I can be here almost every day and only post once in two weeks or a month, because sometimes I want to read other blogs. I want to know what they feel. I have blogs that I literally stalk and have screenshots of your posts. Connect with other people, encourage them in the littlest ways.

5. Nominate 15 bloggers

Wooooooo *rubs hands* this is just a few. Take time out to read and enjoy!

  1. Idea Dibia  , no matter how long it takes I’ll wait
  2. YellowIboGirl, see my blogger crush!
  3. Soaked in Blvck
  4. Bisii Adedun
  5. Chynanu’s Blog
  6. Tomi
  7. Stuck in Perpetual Soliloquy
  8. iCandid
  9. DamiLoves
  10. Baantu’s Blog, Minded Mindless Musings
  11. Nijava’s Blog
  12. Maria
  13. Adichie Babz
  14. Idle Head
  15. Pelumi O.   dauda.com

 

Liebster Award

lib

 

First, I’m really sorry this is coming in late.

Thank you Omooba Adetunji for nominating ,it’s my first so it’s like really emotional for me *sniffs*. And I think your blog is awesome too baby girl

I nominate the following people:

Tomi.O

Ferddhie

Omooba

Bamie Cole

Chuma

Bisii

St Claire

Eseosa

Gbemi

RULES

Once you are nominated, make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.

Include the Liebster Award sticker in the post too.

Nominate 5 -10 other bloggers who you feel are worthy of this award. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can also nominate the person who nominated you.

Ensure all of these bloggers have less than 200 followers.

Answer the eleven questions asked  you by the person who nominated you, and make eleven questions of your own for your nominees or you may use the same questions.

Lastly, COPY these rules in the post.

 

Questions

* Any plans for the new year yet? If yeah what are they?

Go out more (hopefully). Be deep as possible. Lol. Be as cool as dem fashion bloggers 😧

* If Santa were real and you could make a wish, what would it be?

He isn’t real? *faints*. Free entry into any country of my choice 😄

* Movies or books?

Books. Anyday

* Describe yourself in a sentence, could be as long as you want.

I always find it hard to describe myself, 140 characters is tooooo much.

*What do you look forward to in life?

I don’t think I have this figured out at the moment 😧

*Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nahhhhh…Nopeeeeee

*Introvert or extrovert?

In between… middle. You have to meet me first

*Jam or butter?

This is hard..jam

*What’s been pinging around your head lately?

Can I run away already?

* What superpower would you like to have

I can’t pick between being invisible or ability to read minds. But either of the two, the people I will so torment, oh myyyy 🙄

*How often do you sleep?

A LOT is an understatement

My Questions

* Lyrics or beat

* When was the last time you cried?

*If colours could describe your personality what colours will you be .And why?

* Do you think you’re happy?

*Coke or Pepsi?

* A memory you hold dear

* (In my ‘psychologist’ voice) Using the Empty Chair Technique, imagine you’re facing someone you like, dislike, admire, ‘me-luh-you-long-time’, crush-for-daysssss-to-come. What will you say to him/her

* What’s the last song you listened to?

* Describe your happy dance’

*Be deep. Say something deep, soulful.

*Do you think you got everything planned out?

I hope you all have a wonderful year ahead!

12:30 am

image

Childish. Skeptical
Overly independent. Clingy
Free spirited. Jealous
I’ve never fully understood how this works.

“Let me tell you something, don’t look at me like I’m crazy “
You’ll wake up one day, you would leave
Tired. Patience worn out. Fed up
I won’t blame you if you feel more

“Don’t argue, listen”
I’ll watch you leave
I won’t fight. I won’t argue. I won’t cry
Not because I don’t want to but because  I can’t keep you
You can’t keep a flower alive if you don’t water it
Beautiful things are meant to die. We all will die someday.
But before we die, we must live a good life.
A life full of memories.
Regrets. Happiness.
I’ll rather be your regret and watch someone else be your happiness
Than watch you die because I can’t be your happiness
So before you die. Because we all will die someday
Let someone be your happiness

“But… ”
You might still be here, for another week
A week or two. Or more.
You’re my happiness, though it may seem otherwise
But if you ever leave, let me be the regret you are happy you made.