Lota kwa, remember
You do not find refuge in a collapsed house
You do not peel the scabs off old wounds
You do not unbury the dead
You do not chase uncertainty without care
This isn’t how you heal nne
It was very simple.
Every Sunday evening, Dera would come to get me from Ogechi’s house. On our way back she would stop to talk to Sam. I was to wait patiently like the good sister that I was until they were done talking. When she was done she would signal by saying “Ngwa Amaka let’s go” . Just by Issa’s kiosk opposite our house she would buy me sweets. And if anyone was to ask why we took long, I played a little after Dera came to get me.
It was very simple and that was how we had always done it until one fateful day …
This people should do and finish now, I though to myself. I was tired of slapping the mosquitoes that perched on my leg and I was hungry. If I had knew, I would had eaten the rice that Aunty Janet offered me
“Amaka, you no go eat rice”
“Aunty no thank you. I’m not that hungry”
The fact was , I was hungry but I refused the food. Mama was going to make ofe nsala this evening and I needed all the space in my tummy. Even though I wasn’t suppose to eat outside the house, I usually ate at Ogechi’s house. I would eat and pretend like I didn’t but Dera knew. She knew that I ate outside but she never told.
So I here I was , sitting on the pavement watching a group of ants on the wall and slapping mosquitoes that perched on my leg. I usually wondered what they discussed about. What did he tell her that made her smile so wide and be in such a happy mood. After their meetings she hardly got angry at me. She didn’t shout at me if I didn’t mop the bathroom floor after my bath. She didn’t give me mean stares when I spoke while she was speaking . She didn’t send me out when I walked in on her changing .
Even though these moments were short lived, I would willing sit on that pavement for an hour if it meant Dera would be nice to me for a whole day or two.
Dera was seven years my senior and I had come at a time when she didn’t want a toddler following her around. Mama used to make her take me everywhere with her. When she was going to a friend’s house, when she was sent on an errand; I wanted to come along
“Dera nekwa nwanne gi anya , look after your sister” Mama would always tell her
Murmuring she would give me a mean stare and it was left for me to walk fast in order to keep up with her. If we visited any of her friends I was supposed to stay in a corner and mind my business and not disgrace her. I remember one time she took me or was forced to take me along to her friend’s house. They spoke about things I didn’t understand. I know for one thing they don’t like their teachers. That part I understood because I didn’t like my Basic Science teacher too. But I didn’t know why whenever a boy’s name was mentioned one of them would start to smile and sound really funny. Even though I didn’t enjoy their conversations I still tagged along because I felt it would make Dera like me. And for eight years all I wanted was for Dera to like me.
“Why do I always have to look after her” she would complain sometimes “She can be annoying ”
“Shut up, she’s your small sister or e maro, you don’t know ” Mama would tell her
So if it meant sitting and waiting so Dera would like me, I’ll sit and wait.
“Stop it!.. No!.. Stop it! ”
I looked up to see Dera running towards me.
I’m lying down next to a man
He don’t love me no more
He thinks about her when he’s eating my food
He talks about her with his head on my laps
Į maa na, he whispers her name in his sleep
I fall asleep to the sound of my man calling for another
He looks at me every morning
I’m searching but I end up lost
Nne, this night I will lie next to a man
He don’t love me no more
The day your brain registers his scent and you can tell he’s behind you without looking back
You have fallen for him
When you close your eyes and his smile haunts you
His laughter makes you laugh
There’s no going back
You have chosen the love that would hurt you
The day he leaves, you would cry
You would feel stupid for holding on for too long
You would remember you’re not the type believe in fairytales
The day he calls, you would feel nothing but disgust
After a while, that disgust will turn into love
And your tragic love story will repeat itself
No matter how many times he or his type waltz in and out of your life
Nwa mummy ka i bu
You’ll be fine, you’ll come out of it more than fine
You’re one of the strongest people I know
Facing the window, the morning sun pouring on her face. She was standing there in the kitchen, over sized black t-shirt and her hair pulled into a messy bun. 7 am and she was up making breakfast. ‘Bed Peace’ by Jhene playing from the stereo in the living room. Caught in the moment, she lifted her hands up and swayed unconsciously to the music. Unkown to her she had an audience.
He stood, leaning against the wall. Watching her every move. She’s wasn’t a morning person, so seeing her dancing and happy in the morning made him laugh. She was the type that didn’t follow all the rules. She could argue for hours to get her point across. According to her, if being a woman who won’t let any body tell her what to do or not to do because she was a female made her a feminist, then she is a feminist. She loved a good book, African literature being her favs ”There’s something about holding a well read book”. There was always a book by her bed side, next to her iPod. He loved listening to her talk ,whether it was something she did, a book she read, a song she heard recently. The way her eyes lit up when she was excited was enough for him. She was the type he would call ‘a girl in woman’s body’. The way she would stick her tongue out at a car that refused to stop for her to cross. Or her love for cartoons. How could someone so free spirited be caged at the same time. She hardly spoke of the things that bothered her, instead she preferred to be left alone. Sometimes she would be so withdrawn and depressed that nothing he said or did would bring her back to normal. They had their wild moments: fights that made them question why they were still together, moments they never wanted to end. People wondered why they tried. But the thought of not being together was scary enough for them.They were complicated, three years and still counting.
He went into the kitchen and held her from behind, one hand round her waist the other round her shoulder. She stopped moving and together they stood there. Then she said, ”I don’t know what this is, either do you. But if you stay I will”
” I want a lot of things in my man but if there are few things that make a difference, it should be time to me, its the most important thing. My nigga MUST have my time. I want a man who can woo me often, a man who appreciates me, the one who makes me proud coz I like being envied, Lool. A man who makes me feel lucky, A good charmer who can make me laugh. A good listener and a man I can depend on…”
Don’t we all want that? I was talking with a good friend when she started to type and that was what I saw. At first I was like “I’m typing all these things?” Then I told myself “I gotta save this. Use it.” We all know relationships end in two ways; marriage or break up. If yours got to marriage , Congratulations!!! If it didn’t, better luck next time. For a very weird reason I decided to ask to my friends what their take on relationships are, what they thought about relationships
“I think having a relationship is beautiful, uno being happy, in love & not being able to go a single day without speaking to or seeing you bf/gf” “If there’s no trust then it’s shit” “Well relationships are nice. I’ll like to be in an honest one. Just the two of us enjoying each other’s company. Its usually nice to know someone understands you”
“I love it. But I’m a long term person. And the boy has to be responsible”
“Relationships are shit”
“I think relationships have to do with what you want not what the person wants. You have to be certain its what you want. And… you have to decide what your goal is”
“They’re nice with a good person, complicated thou. A good heart, wonderful mind and not too hard to understand”
A whole lot goes into relationships. It’s not just someone who’s good looking, who you can go out with or take selfies with to show the whole world, changing your last name on social networks without a marriage certificate, someone to listen to ALL your problems; take your problems to God, for he cares for you. Or the one that really annoys me changing statuses; “I wish he was here with me, you know who you are” ” My love, you know who you are”. He does not know biko. Ahn ahn. Some want what they see on TV or read in Harlequin books so bad that they forget the major things. Just like a friend said, you have to have goals. It’s not business its a relationship, we remember. Can you imagine yourself with this person in 2/3 years? Or let’s see what happens. To what lenght will you go to keep this person? Is it healthy for you? Oh yes you have to think about yourself . If after a long time of being together will one wrong overshadow all the good and you’ll call it quits? Yes? And you want to get married and stay married one day? Ji si ike, well done. Some girls ( yes we’re mostly the ones at fault in this area) don’t even say what they want. Then when he ‘breaks your heart’ you would call the PPC, Pity Party Congress. Emergency meeting. Did they carry you to his house? Did they carry you to his room? When you didn’t set boundaries how would he know.
Trust is another thing. I feel at the beginning there’s loads of trust, because its new the thrill of a possible long term relationship. But with time it starts to wear out then some get stuck in a relationship where the other person wants to know when you slept, who you saw today, why you didn’t return a message/call, where you went. And its tiring.. very. People need their space, plants need air, water, sunlight and space to grow. Just like a relationship would need trust, patience and space to grow.
Some people go into relationships with good intentions. Really they do. Not all boys are dogs. Not all girls are hoes. I don’t say all boys are dogs because I know a lot that if with the right girl they would treat her with respect. Not all girls are hoes, I’m a girl and I’m not a hoe. Yes some people are just plain mean. They give up the trust and affection of a good person by doing really stupid things that won’t even last! It can be tiring but instead of telling the whole of twitterverse or updating pms ( please some of us are tired of seeing your whole life not only in pictures but in statuses ehn) talk to whoever is ‘breaking your heart’ ‘ doesn’t deserve you’ whoever you’re ‘done with’.
Give /giv/ verb, noun
hand/provide| sth to sb | ~sb sth to hand sth to sb so that they can look at it, use it or keep it for a time
(! slang) (Nig) what you gain from a relationship
Yes to some ‘na gives’ and its true in some cases. They want nothing deep. We are here – we are done that’s all. But some on the other hand ‘no be gives’, its real. So please lets not categorize all relationships with just one aim; gives. All no be gives this guy!
So to the ones in relationships THAT are working out we say carry on, I want to be like you when I grow up. The single sisters, your ‘XO’ ,your ‘Ceiling’ shall come. To the ones with cheating and lying partners, you deserve better we all agree.The ones who are ‘married’ without a badass rock on your finger… you know who you are.